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You are Beautiful

You are beautiful

I used to paint my nails, fingers, and toes- the toes were CONSTANTLY painted, there wasn’t a time that I would go without a polish. In early adulthood, the colors were usually one of the following pink, black or a version of teal, dark purple perhaps. My employer didn’t allow black fingernail polish but when I changed employers (11 yrs later after moving to nc) I painted my nails black in a liberating sense of self-expression and finally.

When I took the polish off my nails, they were tinged yellow (even with a base coat- or something - beauty/fashion isn’t my area of expertise) So I would paint over them. Then one day - I stopped. They all grew out and I began to associate beauty with natural beauty. Clean - as it is. I even appreciate the look of my nails even more now and I’ve wondered what toxins I absorbed or didn’t allow to be released when I kept a coat of crap over them (of course I researched but I wasn’t paying more money for ‘safer’ polish.

We all have our ‘things’ my ‘area’ has always been my thighs. I am curvy. Growing up- it was problematic year after year after year - jean companies thought if you needed to pull the jeans over a certain size thigh your waist must hold those jeans up- not for me. The waist was always smaller than ass or thighs. I grew up with the notion I had ‘thunder thighs’ certain men could dig it- once I was older. But it wasn’t about them, it was about me. So I work on my thighs, I work on keeping my thighs or muscle than fat, but more so I work on my self-compassion and not even compassion, but confidence. (P.s- thank gosh for stretch denim now)

I’m sexy as hell and so are you. What is beautiful changes with the tides, sure it can be to the beholder or more importantly to you! That’s most important. There was a time in my mid-twenties when I weighed 30-35 lbs heavier than I am now in mid-thirties. I was struggling with many of things, but my narration around my weight and that of others were fucked. I wasn’t happy with it, but I wasn’t sure how to think about it. I was smaller than some, bigger than others. It seemed no matter who you talked to there was always something they would say that would dilute or maybe degrade any sense you having an opinion about of self-beauty or lack thereof - it was like if I wasn’t happy about it, I wasn’t allowed to not be happy about it bc I wasn’t obese, even if I was overweight. Or I wasn’t a stick. EVERYONE HAS THEIR 'THINGS'. BUT BUT BUT!!!!

If you stop comparing. If you look inward, in the mirror. And LITERALLY repeat out loud and in silence BOTH every day. I love you, you are beautiful, you will believe it, and feel it.

Here’s the thing- when I was 17 and idk around 100 lbs and concerned about my thighs…. I only aged more, and those thighs got bigger and my body changed, and I carried my weight differently. You need to appreciate where you are at this moment. If you don’t like it change it, but I promise you that if you don’t do anything to change it, a year from now, you will look back and say- I should have been happier with myself bc now I feel worse.

It's about how you FEEL. Looks hover around your feelings but they aren’t your feelings. Do you feel good?? About you. If not- change it. Jenn Aniston is rocking it- yea- resources - okay- but I’m saying you don’t have to go downhill. Be a milf. Be sexier in your 40’s than you were in your 30’s FEEL lovely and beautiful bc in your teens you were in angst over weird shit “I’m a teenager and I have problems.”

I appreciate my body, my skin, my vehicle for this life, I am thankful for what I have, I have a few other insecure areas and I contemplate all the time do I change them, or do I embrace them? Its a choice - it’s always a choice. Feel good, do what you can, start where you are.

-R